A lot of people are in relationships that they like, with partners they are attracted to, who want sex and enjoy intimacy.But life gets in the way.
If this is your story, and you want more or better sex, these tips might help you:
- Put the phone down. Better yet, don’t bring it into the bedroom at all. Just having it beside the bed can be a temptation — don’t scroll or swipe with your partner lying next to you. While our phones and other devices can make us feel more connected to our friends and family, using electronics in bed will decrease the likelihood that you will increase intimacy or connection with your partner.
- Reach out physically to your partner more often throughout the day. Let them know you’re thinking of them. A casual (or not-so-casual) touch can often break up the monotony of a routine life and keep you more physically connected. Touching can help increase the potential for sex later in the day. It’s hard to go from 0 to 60 with no buildup.
- Talk to your partner about how much sex you’d like to be having. Tell them what kind of sex and specifically what kind of touch you’d like during sex. None of us are mind readers. And even if you’ve been together a long time and think you know what turns the other person on, try asking them if anything has changed, or if they’d like to switch things up a bit.
- Get enough sleep. Eat well. Drink enough. Deal with your stress. When you’ve taken care of all of these self-care items, you’ll be more likely to be in the mood or more willing to get there.
- Help your partner reduce their stress level. Is there something you can take off your partner’s plate to help reduce their stress or workload? Some women find the sight of their partner doing the dishes incredibly sexy…
- Deal with your issues. Learn how to resolve arguments and how to soothe yourself during times of conflict. Resentments can get in the way of feeling loving or sexy toward your partner. Learn to take deep breaths and even a time out if you need it.
Reach out for help. If you’ve tried everything, and you are still not getting the sex you want, get help from a therapist. Counseling can help you discover where the problem originates and give you the tools you and your partner will need to overcome the obstacles between you and help you create a satisfying sex life.
You might also be interested in my book, Getting the Sex You Want It teaches you how to build sexual communication skills quickly and connect with your partner in a new way. You’ll learn exercises that enable you to communicate your sexual needs and desires, get past old issues, and revive passion in your relationship. Order it today.
Originally published at drtammynelson.com on November 27, 2018.