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Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

The ability to pivot is your greatest superpower.

It’s easy to get caught up in the fear. We thought the pandemic would last three months. Then we hunkered down for six months. When the year marker hit, and the PPP loans ran out, and small businesses shuttered to a close, it became frighteningly real. The streets were empty. Tumbleweeds blew down city streets. Snowstorms blanketed us with despair. Electrical outages seemed a sign of a future apocalypse.

Life over the last year has changed at a relentless pace. Our whole perspective on reality, in fact, has morphed into a dystopian…

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Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

Ever wonder why your sex life is not doing well? It could be because of the pandemic. It could be the fact that you’re not getting out much. There could be a lot of reasons for a failing intimate life.

In my expert opinion as a certified sex therapist, I can tell you a bunch of reasons that your sexual intimacy is falling apart. Here are the top ten:

In my expert opinion as a certified sex therapist, I can tell you a bunch of reasons that your sexual intimacy is falling apart.

One: You’re watching too much porn. I…

One thing that we can no longer tolerate in a relationship is an opposing political viewpoint. We can live with someone who has a different religion, or a different cultural background. We can deal with someone who roots for the opposite sports team, or someone who likes a different type of ice cream. But for a Democrat to live with a Republican these days?

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Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Being a Republican doesn’t mean what it used to. It no longer means you stand for conservative fiscal values; instead, it exemplifies regressive and oppressive views on women’s rights, gay marriage, and insidious racism that borders…

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Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash

At first, you think you’re doing fine. You make dinner together every night. In the morning you each go to a separate part of the house and log in to Zoom to start your day. At lunch, you bump into each other in the kitchen and ask “How’s it going?”

It’s all polite and civilized.

But now it’s been weeks. Months even. You’re still in lockdown. The shelter in place order isn't going anywhere. You avoid the news, but something comes across your phone, you might be here till 2022. You start to panic.

Suddenly, you can't stand the way…

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What is the meaning of all this?

Last week a robin flew into my kitchen window. It hovered and scratched and beat its wings against the glass.

I stood and watched as it stared at me through the window, its head turned to the side, its red belly pumping with its effort to get through, into my world. Then it flew away.

I was seven days into quarantine, making the best of the COVID-19 lockdown. Being at home in Connecticut means it’s still cold in March, the trees are bare, the grass is brown. …

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Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

“Stay home.”

That’s what the goddess said.

I sat in a lawn chair wrapped in a towel, shivering in the night air. Steam rose from my skin, freshly boiled from the hot tub.

I closed my eyes and could still see the stars above, bursts of light in the night sky, brighter than I’d ever seen them. The cities around me were dark, no ambient light to block the view.

I took a breath. The divine feminine, the goddess energy of the universe, she is kicking our ass, I thought.

Then I heard her. She whispered to me, in not…

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Photo by Joel Mott on Unsplash

How we respond to stress, especially the life or death kind, (like coronavirus) can teach us everything we need to know about ourselves. When a crisis hits, when death seems imminent, we react in old, outdated survival strategies. These ancient coping strategies don’t come from the grown-up parts of our brains. Even if we are competent, mature, psychologically sane adults today, we can react to fear with old, illogical coping strategies. These weird sometimes self-destructive responses can teach us a lot about ourselves.

None of us respond to real hardcore fear, the life and death kind, with our prefrontal cortex’s…

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Photo by cheng feng on Unsplash

The coronavirus is scary and life as we know it is shutting down as a result, in so many ways. Conferences, concerts and large events are canceled. Corporations are asking people to work from home. Schools are closing. Large gatherings of people everywhere are being postponed. Travel is limited.

Yes, this is inconvenient and at times even fatal to business and to schools, to companies and to concert halls.

Yet the irony is that this might give the planet a much-needed break. Less travel, less pollution, no carbon footprint, no waste. No resources to be used up unnecessarily. Working from…

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Photo by Charles on Unsplash

What if there was nothing wrong with women who claim they have low sexual desire?

What if ‘low desire’ was not a problem that had to be fixed; not a medical issue, or something pathologically wrong with the way women function?

What if we are looking at women and desire all wrong?

What if most women would ultimately love to have more pleasure in their lives, but they’re just really busy and really tired?

Pleasure avoidance is a choice. Do you want to have sex but find you have limited energy and choose to focus on “more important” things?


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Tammy Nelson in the studio recording The Trouble with Sex podcast

Pornography is many things. Sometimes it’s a movie, or a series of photos, or narrative erotica; all of which we can label as “porn.” But a lot of what we call porn is just not very erotic.

Porn comes in many different styles. There is fetish porn, paraphilia porn, couple-porn, gay-porn, straight porn, anime porn — you name it — there is no end to the human sexual imagination, therefore there is no end to the porn available for viewing.

Any of your erotic visual needs can be met through pornography today, anything you want to see is out there…

Tammy Nelson

Tammy Nelson PhD is a Certified Sex and Couples Therapist, a TEDx speaker and host of The Trouble with Sex podcast. She is the author of The New Monogamy.

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