Can therapy really help your relationship?
John and Freda sat in my office glaring at each other. She spat out her complaints about him and he fumed and crossed his arms.
“He watches video games all day and doesn't do anything around the house at night,” she said.
“She doesn't appreciate anything I do, “ he said. “Our lives would fall apart if it wasn't for the things I do”
“Why should I thank him for doing the bare minimum when I do pretty much everything? I’m carrying this relationship.” Freda stared at me, wanting me, as the therapist, to just change John. If I could do that, she was convinced they’d be fine.
John looked to me for the answers. “What does she want from me? I do everything she asks. I can never make her happy.” He seemed desperate to do whatever it would take to fix this.
I get it. But there’s no easy fix. Being in a relationship is the most challenging part of being alive. We want things on our own terms and we project our frustrations onto our partner. We all struggle to connect and at the same time, we want the freedom to grow. We want independence and we want security. We want to be seen and we want to be left alone. We want to be desired and we want to desire. We can struggle throughout our lifetime to find the right balance, to keep things exciting, to keep love alive.
